yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
