Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
