Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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