my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
