Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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