at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just invented taco cereal.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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