just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
