Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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