I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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