The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
