Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
