3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
