I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
