I am spending my child support on dildos
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
