I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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