Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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