There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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