the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
