recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
