My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
