She's JV to your varsity
Do vagina's smell?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
