It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
then he tried to convert me to islam
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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