There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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