with your own penis?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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