Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
