This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The Olympian is in my bed
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
