is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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