there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i will never coherently bang her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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