I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
