sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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