So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
