i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
