4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
