some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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