Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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