You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
