I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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