Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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