He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
