I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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