I heard we made out
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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