Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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