Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
