its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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