can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
