why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
