Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
