I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
