I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
