i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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