Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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