i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
