yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
