I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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