I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
