Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
