Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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